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j-r conlin@jrconlin@mindof.jrconlin.com (2026-08-22 03:10:41)
Had a discussion today with someone who also grew up on the East Coast. We were talking about how cold and distant a lot of folk in the SF Bay Area can be, for a lot of reasons.

It's expensive as hell, so folk have to work constantly just to afford anything.
Lots of folk are temporary, so they don't want to spend the energy to build connections.
There's little existing sense of community, so no one wants to take the first step.
He was on point. He was also from New York, (and I grew up around DC), and yeah, it's weird around here.

Trust me when I say, though, it's absolutely worth the effort to talk to your neighbors and spend a few minutes actually listening to them. When things go south due to a fire or quake or anything else, those are the folk that will help you.

---Replies---

steve mookie kong@mookie@weredreaming.com (2026-08-22 03:36:51)
@jrconlin@mindof.jrconlin.com

I had a similar conversation with a NYC buddy of mine a couple of months ago. He had a great way of describing people when it comes to West vs East:

"The East Coast is kind but not nice, the West Coast is nice but not kind."

Basically, East Coasters may not say things nicely ("aww you're cold"), but they will act with kindness ("here take this sweater").

West Coasters say nice things ("aww you're cold"), but then will walk away.

I don't really buy the first reason given in your post though. Cost of living in NYC is just as expensive as it is here in NorCal/SoCal and my buddies in NYC work just as hard as us West Coasters.

I wouldn't say spend time listening to your neighbor, that's just being nice. I'd say make a bond where empathy is created so that kindness grows from it. Because just listening (ie. being nice) will not result in kindness (what should be there when it comes to an emergency).